A Woman

Today
a woman
who I have no contact with
who I haven't seen in years
recalled her dream to me...

She dreamt that she was in a party
In honor of my dad
He was playing on a guitar
and singing,
he was pleased and calm
The party took place for a reason-she said
in broken words she uttered
"one of you were supposed to die...
Your dad saved one of you..."

I then began the questioning,
"How was my mom?"- she looked worried
"How did you know the reason for the party?"- I felt it

She had no idea about my own dream
She had no idea of what I had seen

She told my mom- who is as bewildered as me
She told my mom the dream- it didn't set her free...

Today
I spoke to a woman
Who I have no contact with
Who I haven't seen in years...
a woman
thousands of miles away
a woman
who had a dream
so close to my thoughts
It makes me wonder...
It makes me smile...
It makes me sad...
It makes me cry...

Today...

Today I pondered on last thoughts...
last images and memories
never to be experienced again.

Today I pondered on my Dad's last moments,
In sixty seconds how many pictures can you conjure up,
and did the fear of the unknown get in the way?

Today I tried to ponder his thoughts...

And I'm still trying

I had a dream

I was driving with my husband,
I remember it clearly...
We were talking, all was the same...

I turned the corner
It was above the sea
I remember the feeling as I missed the road
"This can't really be- you and your husband are about to die,
Crash down and fall... "

I remember the feeling
It sends chills down my spine
Slowly falling
Feeling the rush
Holding onto the steering wheel

I call my husband
My voice hardly gets through
I call him by his name
Panick-stricken...
I hear him tell me something
"Op..."
He tells me to open the windows
I reach for the button- It won't help
We are about to die
That's it
Goodbye World
Goodbye Son
I can't believe this is happenning
All because I mistook the turn...
And then I wake

And straight away I feel my dad
I'm ridiculous I know...
But he saved me
He gave his own life instead
Somehow he knew
And he sacrificed...

I must sound egotistical for sure
but I need an answer for the statement
"All things happen for a reason"
So, last night when I woke from my dream
I found my reason.

We Dont Talk...

We don't talk about it-
Why bother
We dont cry about it-
At least not to each other
We don't talk about it-
We're afraid...
We don't cry about it-
We defend and protect...

To Be...

When my tears finally crawl through they come strong....
they come boundless
they come with passion
they come from within
they hold nothing back
they are free

When my tears finally creep their way into my mourning eyes
I am glad
I feel relieved
I feel at peace with my sorrow
and I sob...

I sob for the little girl who feels scared
I sob for the young woman who longs for the protection of her dad
I sob from within
I sob for just me...

I am glad for my tears
They comfort me in knowing that I still feel
So Please...
Don't interupt me
Just let me be
I'm comfortable to be in my grief
I need these tears for me...